God is Holding On to Me

Lately I’ve been frustrated with my plans changing and this year going in a direction that is both unknown to me and not the way I had hoped. I’m a kind of person who likes to plan and be comforted by knowing what the future holds. So many times I worry about failure, either it be my plans not going the way I planed and me thinking I’ve failed by not trying hard enough, or I’m just thinking I’m going to fail before I begin because it is such a difficult task in human efforts. Alas it is true I am afraid of failure. This year thus far has been an excellent example of me being afraid of failure because I have been so excited about this year having set goals and a set direction, but to also say at the first of the year that I had no intention of having a plan B because of my confidence in my original plan. I’ve began to get frustrated thinking I might as well go down the alphabet planing away after each plan fails. The big problem for me was wanting to know more in January and I’m thankful God revealed what I wasn’t going to do this year, but now I’m puzzled wondering what dose God want me to do this year? what is God having me wait for? what do I have to learn from all this? and what’s next? I reflect on last year where I completely failed to trust God when we made the transition to switch churches and I wonder if God is continuing to teach me to hold on to His promises. I watched an I Am Second film with the creator of the Fireproof movie had God asked him if he wanted to go on an easier road and produce less fruit? or did he want to go on a harder road and produce more fruit? I’m now asking the same question and even had my devotions this morning be about the Fruits of the Spirit. Compelling and thought provoking as that is I’m having a hard time taking the leap of faith. This evening I was also reminded of Romans 8:28
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” I’m right now trying to remind myself God dose things for our protection not our pleasure nor dose He do it for our will to be done, but His. I guess now to finish this chapter to see what’s God’s will over mine. Until then I’m going to work harder.

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