Over the past 18 months my life has been filled with change, some big and some not so big. Change is exciting, but oftentimes a challenge, especially when you know God is at work in your life somehow someway and He’s telling you to be patient. (or for the lack of a better term, trusting in God in the unknown even though you know He is up to something good.)
To be honest, at this point I’m not sure if God is just preparing me for Haiti with just 16 days left! or is it something bigger than I could ask or possibly even imagine. It provokes my curiosity more than words can express right now, but that’s just it, I’m overwhelmed with emotions. Excited… without a doubt! Joyful… let’s be honest, there is no word greater in the dictionary greater than joy, especially when we are talking about the presents of God in one’s life! Annoyed… yes, but that’s also what I call be impatient.
I wanted my life to be busy and I was excited about it, but that was up until now. My life just just got busy and I feel in over my head, wondering what did I just get myself into, frankly it’s not what I thought it would be. Starting tomorrow though Friday I’m a volunteer councilor and, I have Haiti stuff the following week, then after that I’m in Haiti, following that for the rest of summer I have this years school to finish, and probably more volunteer camp counseling in between.
There’s the saying, “Lord I’m letting go of me, holding onto You.” It’s a saying I need to live by, but as a prideful human who likes to think she’s capable of doing things by herself the saying takes to a whole new meaning. In this case it means surrender; surrender means letting go of everything I am, letting go of my fears, my failures, my want to know everything, yes even my plans, and letting go of control. Painful process, yes and it’s far from over.
I’m excited to see what I lean and see what God is preparing me for in the finale of this chapter of my life.
I may be waiting, I may hate waiting, but this time it’s different because I’m in a different and better situation where waiting isn’t just going though the motions while I wait. It’s about worshiping while I’m waiting.
The joy about worship is that it’s more than an act of prayer, or singing songs, or reading the bible, or doing a small group with some ladies from the church, but it’s the sense of honoring God in whatever you do and being willing about it. That’s where I’m at right now anyway, but I’m still overwhelmed trying to remember Isaiah 43:2
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”
Haiti is in 16 days! Times flying!