Wanting, Whining, and Waiting

Yesterday was my one month anniversary since I left for Port au Prince, Haiti and on the 5th marks a month that I’ve been back in the States

As I went on this adventure I was expecting radical change and based on what I thought I knew about God I expected Him to do something big in my life short term and long term.

Reality check: That radical change I was expecting turned out that I had what it took to change me. I had to take responsibility for my actions and change my attitude.
Short term
isn’t much different. If I want God to do something big I have to be obedient.
This is life after Haiti.

Here’s the easiest to the hardest here’s why life after Haiti is so hard.

•When you start to reflect on everything that just happened you quickly realize that you are never going back to ok and you can’t go back to the way things were.

•Having a language barrier between Creole and English is one thing, but when you get the question “how was Haiti?” there’s not enough words. Translating culture shock is not something to process and understand quickly. You have to go to know.

•The conversation when people ask you questions about your trip and how you want to respond versus how you actually respond.

It’s hard being back in the States and I’m fighting it. I’m fighting it because I don’t like where I’m at, yes honestly I am discontent. I want to just move on with my life onto the next chapter, but I can’t. God still has stuff for me to learn in this one.

It almost seems like the unknown is trying to pull my under along with all my fears, doubt, and insecurities with a firing squad ready to shoot that target on my back. Thoughts linger in my head whispering, “what if you fail? you’re afraid of failure…”
“Your plan isn’t going to work…”

I’ve had enough of being discouraged with a thousand different thoughts on other things. I don’t really like the unknown either.

I saw an opportunity, I wanted that opportunity, I prayed about this opportunity, God gave me experience, God showed me some details for the opportunity, and I believe He gave me a desire for this opportunity. But in the same breath I’m frustrated even though I should be completely trusting in God to provide like He has before, I should be relaxed knowing He’s gone before, I should be patient knowing He’s not finished with me yet, and I should be joyful in all circumstances.

I see God working in my life, I do, but it just seems like it’s for what’s ahead. Like for my plan to work at a summer camp next summer. So many of the details are there, but I’m not and nor are all the details because the details have to be completed on my part.

I hate waiting because right now I just want to see the fruits of my labor. I’ve already seen all the fruits of my labor after I went to Haiti and I can say it was totally worth it, but what about when I’m starting to feel worn out by waiting?
God has been good even though my attitude hasn’t really been.

Looks like I’ve got work to do. May God grant me the ability to all in His name.

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One thought on “Wanting, Whining, and Waiting”

  1. This was really good to read. I was gone on a trip of my own for a month, so I know exactly what you mean. One of the main things that I do when I am discontent is ask God to show me the beauty and purpose in the place that I’m at. Even if I don’t see the reason for me being where I am, He usually shows me some pretty amazing stuff!

    Like

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