Wouldn’t it be great if we could have joy in the unseen, hope in the unknown, faith in waiting, let go of things we don’t understand, and rest in the assurance of Christ?
It would be, but for me I just have a hard time when it comes to be still and behold all that Christ has done in my life. . . at least doing it in my own strength anyway.
It’s a season of pain and frustration as burdens and questions fill my heart and mind. Life has many seasons, but change is by far the hardest. . . and I have a hard time facing it because I’ve wanted it and fought it at the same time for the past two years and a half years, but now, here am I hopefully all that behind me. I see my friends also face change as their son –who is also a sibling to his older brother, a twin and his younger sister– go though cancer. It hurts. . . He’s like a brother to me and it hurts more. I can’t comprehend why. . . I can’t relate what they’re going though and it hurts.
Job 3:25-26 (ESV)
For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me. I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, but trouble comes.
I’m facing the unknown and changes. . . I’m outside of my comfort zone and to go one step further I feel like God is telling me to be ready to pack up and go wherever he calls me at any given time. It’s an exciting challenge because I have things I’ve started and I now feel like I should finish those things.
Maybe this is just God’s way of telling me to get out of my comfort zone when it comes to plans changing, the unknown and general change.
It’s like Job 42:1-6 (ESV)
Then Job answered the Lord and said: “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?” Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. “Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.” I had herd of you by hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me or for my friends, but I know that God’s plans aren’t always what we want them to be, or sometimes perceive them to be, and even expect them to be and I know that God is enough.