After leaving Haiti last week and though this week being back in the states I thought I was adjusting back quickly and that it was easy, but I thought wrong once again. Since I’ve come back I’ve experienced some small changes, but with out a doubt bigger ones to come too, and I’ve realized I’m never going back to the way things were. What probably bugged me the first few days was realizing I had way to much clothes; I might be a girl, yes, but after living 10 days in Haiti out of a carry-on backpack go figure that hits you first thing; so now I have a bag of clothes to give away, second is hoping something has changed about your family. Reality check: I was gone 10 days, not 10 months. Unfortunately not much has changed around here, but whose to say I can’t do anything about it? even though some parts of me are still the same, but hopefully changing soon; I don’t know. Honestly though life after Haiti is not something I am enjoying enthusiastically at all. . . I miss Haiti like crazy and I want to go back, but I can’t. The one thing about Haiti; there’s so much to appreciate there, and it’s not just that feeling of your heart melting, breaking, and when you leave that sudden feeling that you just left most of your heart in Haiti —if not all of it.– The kids in Haiti are amazing though. . . I miss the energy these kids brought to P.E, the gratitude for the simplest things we take for granite, and the way they love. They’ll high-five you, hug you, sit on your lap, and take a picture with you.
You saw what learned on my last post here, but to me it was humbling to actually see everything God has taught me come alive in a real way. Especially when I didn’t feel any worry, but rather being relaxed in the presence of God. It took me long enough to get in that place, but I got in that place and I want to stay there now that things in my life are changing to the point where I have to realize only God is going to get me though this. I should’ve known this before, but the pathetic and prideful human thought she could do it on her own.
Even though I’d rather be in Haiti doing English Camp, I have to admit I’m thankful to know that so far no one on our team got Chikungunya, but I’m also thankful for the friendships made and strengthened in Haiti. I hope to go back next year, but who knows what God has in store got in store for me? Not me. I know what else I want to do, but what doors will God open up and what ones will He close.
Life after Haiti pt. 2 in short: Being back in the states after Haiti has opened my eyes to some pretty awesome things, but also has led my heart closer to God. I look back on this trip trying to find a way to teach my family what I’ve learned, but as life changing as it was, I’m not regretting going. I may still wonder why God called me to go even after the trip, but I know He was glorified and nothing was about me as serving Him was seen in a different way. I’ve realized when you’re in a place so low, you’re actually in a place so high and coming back after all you’ve seen, there’s no way of imagining yourself ever being the same. When God tells you to do something you do it and I loved seeing Him work though my obedience and hope I can continue to follow Him.
God’s still on the move, doing something greater than I can ask, or imagine, He’s the unexplainable in my life in every unknown, He’s the Lord of my life and I will wait for Him as this new chapter of my life is upon me.
One last thing, if you ever have the chance to go to Haiti, I encourage you to go. Haiti is amazing and you will meet with God in ways so unexplainable and have stories to share to everyone you meet. God dose crazy things, but know crazy is good and yes, even in life when your so caught up spinning and you just need to be still and know that He is God.