Tag Archives: Plans

God’s 2:00 am Plan

For as long as I can remember, I have always been drawn to international missions, but whenever I imagined foreign evangelism, I assumed a traditional ministry mindset. Whatever that means.

I grew up as a church staff kid, where my parents tirelessly served behind the scenes, and yet there I was, seemingly daydreaming about going across seas whenever a missionary came and talked about their foreign ministry. The passion was like a well-lit flame under my behind, and I knew being a missionary was my life’s calling. However, I am reminded to answer the question; “how do you know for sure?”
Other than my faith and passion, there’s a story: my first mission trip in 2010 to Denver, Colorado. While in Denver, the next day after my team and I arrived, we went to help out at a local food pantry. Two guys asked to pray and anoint me and one other of the team members. To this day, I see it as God’s anointing me for the rest of my life in ministry. Even when I have tender moments of doubt, God affirms me through scripture, and somehow even others around me remind me, God has big plans.
I have no reason to be concerned about my life’s purpose.

Since ministry is a big part of who I am, I have come along my parents to serve. The first time I remember serving was in a Portable Church in Birmingham, Michigan with my dad where we would set up and tear down with a team. The younger me would probably tell you how much fun it was to roll around on the small wooden platforms for the chairs, but since then, I have grown up some. In my last two years of high school before moving away, I also served in a portable church in Rio Rancho, New Mexico, in addition to children’s ministry and tech team. There is also a miscellaneous year of Christian camp ministry thrown in there too. I’m not sure where that fits in.

Then amidst my plans to be a missionary, and to transfer to Moody Bible Institute, Chicago this Fall to study Discipleship and Evangelism is God’s 2:00 am plan.

God’s 2:00 am plan is to study pre-counseling at Moody, Chicago and work with refugees in camps across the world. Come to think about it, there’s more sense to it than I imagined. Especially, since the crisis is not getting any better any time soon. It is not a bad road to go down, plus, I do not mind the traveling part. Now just to get my acceptance letter… However, as I have processed this over the past few days I realized how I can relate to refugees. I may not have had to flee to a refugee camp for safety because my home country is unsafe, but I understand what it is like to feel like not having a home. After all, in the past 20 years of my life, I have lived in four states and moved nine times. Okay, so it is nationally in the United States, and I hated moving at first, what’s your point?

I wonder, is this a change of plans, or a revelation of God’s plan for me all along. I do not know, but what I do know is that it is a bad answer to a good question. But here are three reasons why I would not do anything else, except ministry with my life.

  1.  I will not live the lie of the American Dream. I do not care about money, prosperity, and fame. Not the life for me
  2.  God is better. His kingdom is eternal and I won’t invest in anything less than worthy of His kingdom. Earth is not my home. Why get comfortable here anyway?
  3.  I have no plan B. I am not joking. If the world goes to hell in a hand basket and if can’t return to the states, or if I am in the states and the world is unsafe, it is my job to proclaim the Gospel until I am burnt at the stake, or shot, or die of something else

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”Luke 4:18-19


Confessions of Patience

Confession one: I’m not the most patient person. Ask my mom, or my dad, and my sisters, ask my childhood best friends, ask my best friend, even ask around full-time staff and my fellow Walkies at Camp Eagle, or really anyone who has been in my life the past 3 years. They’ll likely tell you I’m not very patient. As expected, God has had me wait as I stretch out toward my goals, but often I’m reminded to slow down, stop and smell the roses, watch the clouds, stargaze, backpack/hike/climb up a mountain, bike down jeep roads and kayak down rivers, or even living the ordinary to learn an extraordinary lesson. No city sidewalks for this trailblazer, because city roads head to known places, and I have no idea where I’m going.

February, and now March, have tested my ability to trust God and people, but also my patience for God’s plan and again, with people. Here’s what I learned about myself: If patience is prudence, than I’m reckless. If patience is a virtue, than I am fruitless.

Learning this came through taking my SAT today, March 5, 2016, although many people, primarily my peers had encouraged me to reschedule this test. I interpreted their words as ignorant and harsh, and honestly, it felt condescending. I felt better only when my mom reminded me to be confident, because as I thought, who knows me better than my mom?

Confession two: Taking advice from my peers feels more like positive peer pressure and the result is you’re trying to hard. Now, I know, I had to be reminded they did it because of their care for me. Not to sound brash, but most of my young life of 19 years I’ve had many more adult companions/relationships/friendships who have been my mom’s age or older much because they “got me” better than my peers throughout my entire childhood and young adult years. As a result, it puts my peers at a much lower level of expectation for advice and trust.
Life lesson, learn from the wise, run from the foolish, and live your own life because you run your own business. 
Obviously God is the manager of your life, but it’s the counsel He gives you to run it that counts.

I’m no philosopher; just a student of life, but I’d like to assume suggestive thinking makes us rule out our confidence to please other people, or to seek their approval and to live outside our heads. I’m not that kind of person, nor do I want to be.

Confession three: I don’t make agile decisions, but if you call that patience to make the right decision it’s less than easy for me to say that’s true. I’m impatient with God. A few days ago I had been in a somber mood that hits me every now and then as a wave, but this time I started crying to God. I told God I wanted to know where I was going after Walkabout. I got discontent and turned impatient quickly as I asked God to give me some sign to where I was going before I have to make a decision. Because of my impatience with God, it can usually result in lack of faith. I keep saying to God, take me anywhere but New Mexico!

I know if God wants me somewhere, He’ll give me that innate desire to go, and sometimes I just got to trust God through the unknown though it sometimes makes me feel uneasy.

Truth is, I’m not patient. Being impatient doesn’t make my life anymore interesting than when I am patient. “Good things come to those who wait patiently,” they say, but I’m here to say whether patient or impatient life is still life. Disappointments, failure, joy or peace you still have to bear the fact that you have to be patient to yield your shortcomings or highest expectations. You won’t change with more patience, but you may grow with more acceptance, because darling in life you’ll always be waiting.

Confession four: I feel lost. I don’t know where I am going or how to get there. I’m still waiting to see how Walkabout has changed me. I’m still waiting to see how God is changing me and using me. I’m still waiting on calls I may never receive. I’m waiting on my SAT scores that may be better or worse than I hope. I’m waiting on God. I’m uncomfortable and discontent as I wait with impatience. I’ve been told many times to be present and live in the moment, and I suppose that’s the closet thing to patience I may be able to achieve. That is if only I could remember patience is present and presence is peace.